Your journal has been a great inspiration to me, Walrus!
Last night, I chose to alter my consciousness for a few hours by inhaling cannabis smoke. Consequently, while in a state of awareness toward my physical body, I became cognizant of every point of compression and discomfort that my distorted skull was applying to my brain. If my consciousness, and brain, could communicate using words, I know they would both be screaming all of the time: "It's cramped, and we don't have any room to breathe! Let us out!!!"
It is remarkable to me that, in a mentally acute state wherein the ego dominates my consciousness, I am unable to detect this sort of consistent pain, but I suppose that, when an individual has been living with discomfort for so long, the pain eventually becomes like white noise; that is to say, it becomes undetectable to the consciousness.
While it was discomforting to be made aware of my own cramped, disorienting cranium, something marvelous also occurred as I read your most recent report. I don't know why it occurred all of a sudden, but, suddenly in that moment, I could clearly imagine your experience as if it was happening to me. In other words, for a brief instance, I could vividly integrate your description into my consciousness, and it brought an amazing sense of relief to the point where I nearly wept! I will go so far as to say that, for a brief moment of amazing consciousness-freedom, my personal reality shifted to accommodate yours!
After the experience, like a waking dream, had faded into my conscious block, I got up and walked into the bathroom, determined to make this procedure work for me just as it has worked for you, even though I had also become cognizant of the fact that I was incredibly scared of it! Being aware of my physical body certainly helped; therefore, with great determination, I finally managed to succeed in expanding the balloon, I believe for the first time, against my sphenoid bone! My vision became a bit blurry, and I felt dizzy, afterward, but I also felt incredible joy because of this success, which had eluded me for weeks!
I am going to practice again today, knowing that I can eventually make this work!
I do have one question for you, though, which might serve to hasten my progress. My question is this: Did you initially struggle to hold your breath while inflating the balloon against your sphenoid bone?
I realized last night that my experimenting over the past few weeks has been hindered every time because I had not been holding my breath while expanding the balloon; hence, my tongue was not present to block the balloon from entering the back of my mouth. I am now holding my breath as hard as I can, yet the pressure keeps winning, causing my tongue to buckle under its weight so that the balloon slips down and gags me. I will try to use smaller amounts of pressure to control the procedure in a more nuanced fashion, yet I find myself curious: has the expansion of your throat cavity lead to greater ease in holding your tongue, and your breath, while pumping air into the balloon?